I have this wonderful friend who emigrated from Germany to Scotland many years ago in her early twenties. At a time when my own English was terrible and I was so afraid of all non-German languages that I couldn't even ask for directions to the beach at the reception desk of a Spanish holiday hotel without dying inside. Despite different mental struggles, my friend started a new life in a new country, applied for an online college to successfully graduate with a bachelor's degree, she found a place to stay in Edinburgh on her own, worked in call centers, modeled on the side, and taught herself several traditional crafts such as bread baking and herbalism. At some point, she got a fluffy dog, and now she's an outdoor hobbit who is a member of the Polar Bear Club and camps on beaches. And it was this very same young woman who wrote to me not too long ago: “Oh, not much is happening in my life, it's pretty boring.”

I thought I had cotton in my ears. I wanted to shake her, wake her up, and laugh at the same time. Was she serious?! 

And she's not the only one I hear saying this over and over again: My life is boring.

What gives us this feeling? Why do we always need to compare ourselves to others? How we can get away from the idea that our lives are boring and meaningless?

Yes, I know why people keep writing these messages to me: Behind “My life is boring” there is often an explicit or implicit addendum: “...and not as exciting as yours.” 

Sure, I travel a lot, I'm self-employed, I've published a book, my husband is 900 years older than me and tells me stories about having watched the dinosaurs roam, and every now and then I hike fifteen miles into the wild. When you see all that adventurous stuff concentrated on social media or this blog, it always looks like I lead a life in which one amazing thing happens after another, somewhere between paradise, boundless freedom, and fame. And although my posts are always authentic, honest, and without any clickbait intent, they are still selected highlights—only a snippet of my life. There are countless days when I just clean my bathroom, do my taxes, go shopping, work on the computer all day, have a nasty $800 repair bill, or can't sleep at night because I'm overthinking something.

Following other people's lives on the internet is like walking past a stranger's house and being able to peer into their tidy, cozy fireplace room for a few seconds. But have you seen the dirty hallway? The chaotic kitchen? Or the moldy basement with the three thousand broken, superfluous pieces of garden furniture? No, of course not. Because people tend to only report about their beautiful, new, and exciting experiences—and not about how the toilet brush broke yesterday, or the cat threw up on the pillow.

Social media, the internet, but also movies, TV series, documentaries, and books—no matter how “authentic”—are always just a snippet of someone else's life. A snippet that suggests that something exciting is constantly happening to someone else, especially people from the travel bubble—while you yourself have only been at the office and the bakery. 

Folks, please remember every single time you see an adventure, a remarkable life experience, video, photo or travel report: you see less than ten percent of what really makes up that person and their everyday life. No one, really no one, is 24/7 confident, strong, healthy, happy, carefree, and constantly floating on a soft cloud on a white beach. No, not even people who share their most amazing sunset photos every day from their van.

Another problem is that we humans can rarely look at or listen to other people's stories and photos without comparing them to ourselves and our lives. Why are they more prosperous than me, I wish I was like him, how can she do all those fabulous things, and I can't? 

This is further distorted by the fragmented perception of reality that I just described above. Which makes comparisons even more absurd. Because we don't compare ourselves to other people's real lives, but only to the tiny, edited highlights they choose to publicly present. It's like having to decide what my favorite color is and only being given a choice of yellow. I mean, huh?

I know it's hard not to lose your cool and keep a clear head in this age of likes, click counts, AI, filters for bodies and landscapes, exaggerated videos with dramatic music, and bold headlines—but stop comparing yourself to others. 

Do have role models. Do collect inspiration and quotes that give you strength and courage. But do not get bogged down in comparisons that leave you feeling empty, drained, and hopeless. Turn off the shit, scroll on, stop putting yourself down.

It's quite easy to tell the difference:

Content that benefits you will leave you feeling good and motivated. Content that only throws you into a spiral of comparison will leave you with a feeling of low self-esteem, listlessness, and perhaps even full of envy, sadness, and anger.

And honestly, there will always be someone in this world who does something better, higher, and more successfully than you. I could climb the Matterhorn in a snowstorm at -30 degrees, and I still would never measure up to someone like Sir Edmund Hillary. 

But I don't have to, because I live my life, not someone else's.

But what if there really isn’t much happening in your life? What if it's true and not just seems that way in comparison to others? 

Make a list of things you would like to do, posses, or achieve. If you cannot come up with anything immediately, don't worry. Try to think of things that make you smile and feel good in everyday life. It could be something small like butterflies or pumpkin soup on a cold day in fall.

Then make a list of things you have already done or achieved. 

Don't be shy and don't hide your light under a bushel. You are not “just a mother,” or “just a knitter,” or “only have a few years of professional experience.” You were not “only at the city park,” you don't “just have a small apartment,” and you are not “nothing special.” You are special because there is only one person in the world exactly like you. Among eight billion people, there is only one “you.” That's you! Amazing! And you've achieved quite a lot. You learned to walk and talk, went to school, fought illnesses and demons, and sometimes perhaps even the people around you. Maybe you're an employee, a boss, or a parent and/or a child. You've both lost and won, you've survived many things that, in retrospect, make you wonder: how on earth did you do it?

Every role you fill is full of work and responsibility and automatically enriches you with more life experience with every day. What you've accomplished so far is not boring or trivial, it's a hell of a lot! More than many other people could handle.

And if you still feel like something is missing in your life, write it down on the other list.

Let your dreams be big, irrational, don't put up mental barriers, but think of them as brainstorming. Be wild! Then think about what has been holding you back so far. Can you change anything about it? Maybe you can start small? Instead of running the whole marathon right away, try to just take the first step? Is there someone who could help you? How much of this is due to hard facts like illness or financial difficulties—and how much is just your own fear of the unknown, fear of change, pressure from the expectations of others, and a “But that's not possible...” idea in your head? How much happiness and micro-adventures are possible despite illness or limited funds? I've written about that before, too. Take a look here:

Bad Day - 5 free and quick Things to make your Life better

Don't be hard on yourself. Your life is not boring; you've just been staring into other people's windows too long and talking yourself down instead of seeing how brightly your own light is already shining—and how it can still shine even brighter. Go for it.

If you like, you can follow my musings, stories, and inspirations daily on Instagram: @squirrel.sarah.

Find more motivation and encouragement here: 

• 675,000 Hours - How a fulfilled Life slows down your time
• Live, cry, scream - the dark Side of the good Life
• Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda—Five things we need to start doing right now!
• Joy of life - Hurray! A guide to happiness